HEADLINE: UK women are now officially the fattest in Europe.
New figures from the EU Office of Statistics show that Britain is the fattest country in Europe with 25.1% of women and 23.1% of men at least two stone above their ideal weight.
It turns out that despite having the worst food on Earth, Britons have somehow managed to stuff themselves into the record books. A full quarter of the population of British women are at least two stone over their ideal weight.
That's one in four! No wonder the trains are so crowded. And the men were just barely pipped at the post for The Fattest F--ks in Europe. One in five British men are obese. That's not just fat. That's fat plus a crate of twinkies.
So we come to the pertinent question. How on earth can you get fat eating British food. And here's the part I love best.
You don't. You get fat eating American food. Even though Fat Britain will tell you to their last weezing breath that they hate Americans, clearly, you love us.
You love our burgers.
You love our pizzas.
You love our fried chicken.
You love Cokes and Pepsis.
You love our candy and our cookies.
You love our sugarry shit and our fatty crap and all the other shit we pump into fast food and you love it all so much, you're making yourselves fatter than Texas.
I tell you people, it's one thing to be ugly, but to be fat too.
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