Beautiful England

I once read a book by a British author who suggested that there is an ancient convention of the human race that states that a person’s face should allow public access to the private self.

Whatever the hell that means I’m sure I have no idea, but it does allow me to show you some more pictures of typically un-beautiful English people who, if convention stands correctly, have the soul of a pedophilic skeleton.

Enjoy.

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Theory of Uglicity - Face pulling / Wind changing

The English pull a lot of faces. Ask an English person what the time is and if they don't know they'll often say,

"Oooh, I haven't got a watch. Sor-rey" and pull this face. This ghastly, I-don't-have-a-watch-but-would-you-like-to-see-my-gingavitis-covered-gums face.

Along with a default mood seeting, The English have a default face. You'll know they one I'm talking about. It's that look they all get that says, "I've just licked balls". It's what their faces do when most other people have a half smile, or just a plain stare. In England they pull a face.

Tell them bad news. "Oh ree-lee" They'll pull a face.
Watch them complain. "It was ssso unfair" They pull a face.
Soccer team scores a goal. "Arse-nal" They pull a face.
Tea is served with biscuits. "Oooh Lovely" They pull a face. Oh god, and they rub their hands.

For an bunch of ugly folk, they don't do themselves any favours.

British Nosferatu

They say a picture says a thousand words, but this one just keeps screaming "No" over and over and over.




Oh don' t be so mean.

Maybe he's got a nice personality.
Maybe he plays Santa at Christmas and has a heart of gold.

Maybe.

Or maybe he's the kind of guy who gets drunk and pulls out his own teeth.

Britain's Vital Statistics

Let’s paint by numbers.

#1 Fattest women in Europe1.
# 2 Ugliest women on earth2.
# 1 Users of internet pornography3.
#2 Fattest men in Europe1.
# 1 most unsatisfying lovers4.
1 in 3 men have not had sex in the past twelve months or more4
1 in 5 men still living at home with parents at age 285.

So we can deduce from these figures, that England is a nation of people struggling with obesity, harnessed by genetics to a yoke of unsightly physical features, denied intimacy by fear of social embarrassment and unable to escape the suffocating immaturity of living in the family nest.

Or that they’re all fat, ugly wankers.
It’s your call.

References
1 EU Office of Statistics. Obesity rates in Europe. 2006
2 Global survey. FHM magazine. 2005
3 Nielsen’s Net Ratings. 2006
4 Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy 2006
5 Government Statistics reported in The Independent on Sunday 2006

P.S Oh and yeah, we do have the fattest women.
But at least the thin ones ain’t so ugly we're too scared to leave the house.

Faces of Britain

The vast majority of people in Britain look the way a fart smells. Which is to say, recoilingly ugly.This wouldn't be so bad, after all, the same can be said of some parts of India and they're still a very lovely people.

However, what the British lack is the kind of easy going, affable personality that helps offset the facial aesthetics. Brain damaged soccer fans at the poor end. Inflexible tedious monarchists at the rich. And mn between a twittering pustule of bitter middle classers.

So what you end up with is a series of truly enormous group who are unbarably belligerant and yet gaspingly unattractive. The ugly chick without the nice personality.

And yes there are ugly people everywhere. I'm sure if you looked hard enough you could find a few uglies from NYC. But guys, seriously...there's ugly and then there's circus ugly. And this place would Barnum & Bailey to shame. Take a gander below. Guaranteed 100% British.