UGLY in the UK

There are too many ugly people in England. Seriously man, this shit has got to stop. You have filled your quota. No more ugly people needed. Pull down the Ugly Wanted posters. The positions have been filled.

I saw a woman today who had so many chins it looked like she'd swallowed something too fast, and sucked herself midway into her neck. She sort of peered over her chin at me when I returned a library book too late.

“This should’ve been brung back Sat’dee” Brung. From a librarian. An English Librarian.

Outside the tube station I saw man whose face was grotesquely pinched and small, but whose head was big and round. And if that wasn't bad enough, he'd grown a moustache.

People in England are casually ugly. The typical ugly person in America is kind of too fat or too thin. And that’s it. They might have a weird bald patch, but generally speaking, their kind of okay. In London, you’ll see people in the street who not only look like they belong in a circus, but who make you wish you ran a circus so you could discuss a lucrative contract with them overseas. I’ve sat next to people on buses and made sure no exposed skin touched theirs for fear I might somehow contract warts from them.

It’s frightening. In America, we only allow really beautiful people on TV. Unless they're really funny, and even then, we have limits. In England, you can have your own TV show even if you have an extra set of teeth above the regular set. And that's TV.

On the street it's limitless. Just standing at a bus stop you'll see people who look like the wrong end of a conjoined twin, reanimated corpses, partially melted wax sculptures, faces that look one part human flesh / one part cake batter. I saw a woman with an eyebrow so thick it looked proud. Sometimes I wonder if people are aware of this.

So England, as part of Europe, you should be just as hot as Germany and France. But you are most certainly not. You might beat them in a soccer games, but at night they go home and are consoled by hot porn star wives and you celebrate with a genetic grab bag of inbred mongoloids.

Pick up your game.And I ain't talking about fooooot-ball.