I suppose it was only a matter of time before a nation of anger managment trainees ended up topping the violent crimes stats, And gosh darn it, you done did it afterall.
The Sunday Times reported today, that the British are more likely to be the victims of serious crime than the citizens of any other industrialized nation.
Outstanding!
64,000 robberies via knifepoint.
The highest level of assaults in Europe.
More risk of being robbed than anywhere in the US.
As if the food, the teeth, the tube and the British public couldn’t get any worse…
You know, you’ll have to forgive me. It’s just, we Americans labor under the misperception that you Englanders are a peaceful lot.
I mean, you outlawed guns for everyone, (except for your police force, who seem much more interested in shooting civilians and driving in their cars than actually walking the streets like they do in NYC).
You sit like bloated pigs atop a moral highhorse and pontificate that the US are warmongers, (and then you follow the troops straight into battle, like toads).
And as it turns out, while you were doing the endless Limey finger point at anyone else but yourselves, your ASBO eating population grew up and took the nearest kitchen knife and started stabbing people left right and center.
Bravo England, still could be worse, they could be French, right?
Or American.
Or Australian.
Or…
The article goes on to state that Britain has become a walk-on-by nation, which I think is a little untrue. If you see someone with a knife, my advice is to drop your wallet and run, don’t be a hero. Especially not with the withered, spindly arms the men over here have.
You couldn’t arm wrestle a pipe cleaner.
That being said, I think you’ve always been cowards, it’s just that you’re now being put to the test. You walk about with a beer induced ego and some school yard jibes, “Oh, Americans are too friendly and fat, and the Australians all laugh too loudly and the French always run away in battle and the Irish are all drunks…and so on.
But here we are, in 2007, your battle victories have become the dusty chapters of ancient history, your culture reduced to a sense of knowing the difference between a Jackson Pollock and a decaying shark in formaldehyde, your stiff upper lip now a trembles when walking past anyone in a hooded sweatshirt and whatever else props up your ridiculously disproportionate sense of sagging national pride, withers away and you’re left with the undeniable truth.
Still, mustn’t grumble.
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3 comments:
I once had to walk (broke, drunk, lost) all the way from Leicester Square to Paddington Station in the middle of the night. I eventually made it to the hotel by following the bus lines. However, there was not a knife-wielding mugger in sight.
This was 1999.
You reckon I would be cut like a record if I was to venture that journey today?
Ahh, now that's the 64,000 victim question.
Arrogant, conceited nationalism: US citizens have a general attitude that they are rich because they are superior. This is totally explicitly stated, especially on ceremonial occasions. The reason the USA is rich is for many reasons, including very successful exploitation of other countries, the fact that they came into World Wars I and II very late when other countries were exhausted, the geographical isolation of the USA, the fertile land which they took from the indigenous people (whom they largely exterminated), and their homogeneous language and culture.
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