Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Children lined up by color of skin.
Children were told to line up for a school photograph by the color of their skin. The segregation left some of the pupils in tears at Sandhurst Junior School in Lewisham, South London. One angry parent said : ‘My school is racist’.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Take the Great from Britain and give it to South Africa.
Did you know the chief Export of South Africa is Minerals and Diamonds?
The chief export of Great Britain is Sporting Loss.
Did you know that South Afirca is believed to be the birthplace of human beings.
It’s known as the cradle of Mankind.
Great Britain is the birthplace of the tuberculosis; a disease that they still battle with today even though the rest of the world has successfully eradicated it.
Did you know a recent article in the South African Major daily newspaper gave tips on the do’s and don’ts of dating.
England’s major dailuy newspaper, gave the dos and don’ts of home dental work. In the guide they made a plea for people to stop using pliers to remove their own teeth.
The chief export of Great Britain is Sporting Loss.
Did you know that South Afirca is believed to be the birthplace of human beings.
It’s known as the cradle of Mankind.
Great Britain is the birthplace of the tuberculosis; a disease that they still battle with today even though the rest of the world has successfully eradicated it.
Did you know a recent article in the South African Major daily newspaper gave tips on the do’s and don’ts of dating.
England’s major dailuy newspaper, gave the dos and don’ts of home dental work. In the guide they made a plea for people to stop using pliers to remove their own teeth.
What the press said. (And then what we said about what they said)
James Lawton
The Independent
“England never forgot what it was like to battle like champions”
They did however forget to win like champions and lost the game. 15-6.
William Langley
The Sunday Telegraph
“… even as the whistle blew, the 60,000 English fans in the French capital knew they had seen something remarkable”
Agreed. The fact that the oldest Rugby team the world has ever seen managed to play an entire game of union without a single player suffering a heart attack was indeed quite remarkable.
What was even more remarkable however, was the repeated ass kicking England received at the hands of the Glorious Springboks. Final score. 15-6
Andrew Alderson & Patrick Sawyer
The Sunday Telegraph
“The Tory leader David Cameron said: “This was an incredibly brave performance by England. Dogged. Determined and fearless”
Aww, that’s nice.
…but thousands of disappointed England fans streamed away after the defeat. Some started leaving with around 10 minutes to go, when it became clear the game was lost”
Well, so much for the indomitable British spirit. “What, they’re not going to win? I’m outta here”. And as for the fearlessness of the team, the only thing dogged about British Rugby is their complete, and utter reliance on John Wilkinson.
David “Whiny Bitch” Walsh
The Sunday Times
“The decision was referred to the television match official with the statutory instruction that he must award a try unless there is any compelling reason not to. From all the replays available to Stuart Dickenson, the Australian TMO, there did not seem to be one which conclusively ruled out a try”
So there you have it. Because of a corrupt Australian referee, England lost by 9 points instead of just 3. And anyway, when is stepping out of touch any reason to disallow a try.
Jenny McCartney
The Sunday Telegraph
“…while hopes of victory were inflated in the first half, later you could hear the expectation gently dying and hear the full throated roars from the crowd – and on sofas across the country – softening to mournful groans of disappointment.”
I think you’ve just described what it’s like to have sex with a British man.
Various other news sources including the above:
“Vickery’s determination not to surrender an easy yard…However, it was also increasingly clear… that England were facing a test of will beyond anything produced by either Ausralia or France”
Read: Hey we still beat Australia and France. Let’s not forget that.
You be assured the English will claim, with lip trembling pride that “We fought them for ever inch” as if this is somehow a display of their true grit and determination.
The truth is, the English style of play is ruining Rugby. The English inch forward in maul after maul after maul, praying for a penalty. It’s the way Italians play soccer. Eventually, out of sheer desperation the referee awards one and John Wilkinson boots a field goal from just over half a field away. Whatever English wingers do, I’m sure I have no idea. They could well do with a ball of wool and some knitting needles to help them pass the time.
It’s a desperate tactic. And it sometimes wins but at the cost of boring the living shit out of every single person there.
So for every Englander who takes pride in their “fought them for every inch” baloney. Consider that as this ugly style of Rugby continues to be used by desperate, uncreative teams, we can all thank the Shitty English for their Shitty English Style of play.
Andrew Alderson & Patrick Sawyer
The Sunday Telegraph
“Tears flowed in the French capital, on and off the pitch, after the Springboks won five penalties to two…”
Actually the Springboks won 15 points to 6. Phrasing it in penalties only makes it seem like The English lost by a little bit, when in fact, they were shat upon and lost the game by a hearty nine points (that’s three field goals for any English reading). Mind the gap Britain, it ran to nine points.
The fact that the British now measure the score by how many penalties are kicked is testament to the ugly style of play they’ve introduced into Rugby, that makes even nail biting World Cup finals about as interesting as a British mistress.
“But for English fans the game turned on the ‘try that never was…English hopes flared but after an agonizing three minute wait it was disallowed by the Australian fourth official Stuart Dickenson, from his vantage point high in the stands…”
Read: Those dirty Australians really screwed us. And how could he see it anyway he was waaay up there in the stands.
Unlike a British man telling about the last time he had sex, the video referee never lies. From the video replay, the lower half of Cueto’s body was out of touch, but even if it wasn’t, (and God bless you Stuart Diskinson if this is the case), the difference would mean the crybaby English would still have lost the match by three points. This kind of Woulda-shoulda-coulda crybaby whining is typically English. I think it’s because they don’t mind looking like complete wankers.
The Independent
“England never forgot what it was like to battle like champions”
They did however forget to win like champions and lost the game. 15-6.
William Langley
The Sunday Telegraph
“… even as the whistle blew, the 60,000 English fans in the French capital knew they had seen something remarkable”
Agreed. The fact that the oldest Rugby team the world has ever seen managed to play an entire game of union without a single player suffering a heart attack was indeed quite remarkable.
What was even more remarkable however, was the repeated ass kicking England received at the hands of the Glorious Springboks. Final score. 15-6
Andrew Alderson & Patrick Sawyer
The Sunday Telegraph
“The Tory leader David Cameron said: “This was an incredibly brave performance by England. Dogged. Determined and fearless”
Aww, that’s nice.
…but thousands of disappointed England fans streamed away after the defeat. Some started leaving with around 10 minutes to go, when it became clear the game was lost”
Well, so much for the indomitable British spirit. “What, they’re not going to win? I’m outta here”. And as for the fearlessness of the team, the only thing dogged about British Rugby is their complete, and utter reliance on John Wilkinson.
David “Whiny Bitch” Walsh
The Sunday Times
“The decision was referred to the television match official with the statutory instruction that he must award a try unless there is any compelling reason not to. From all the replays available to Stuart Dickenson, the Australian TMO, there did not seem to be one which conclusively ruled out a try”
So there you have it. Because of a corrupt Australian referee, England lost by 9 points instead of just 3. And anyway, when is stepping out of touch any reason to disallow a try.
Jenny McCartney
The Sunday Telegraph
“…while hopes of victory were inflated in the first half, later you could hear the expectation gently dying and hear the full throated roars from the crowd – and on sofas across the country – softening to mournful groans of disappointment.”
I think you’ve just described what it’s like to have sex with a British man.
Various other news sources including the above:
“Vickery’s determination not to surrender an easy yard…However, it was also increasingly clear… that England were facing a test of will beyond anything produced by either Ausralia or France”
Read: Hey we still beat Australia and France. Let’s not forget that.
You be assured the English will claim, with lip trembling pride that “We fought them for ever inch” as if this is somehow a display of their true grit and determination.
The truth is, the English style of play is ruining Rugby. The English inch forward in maul after maul after maul, praying for a penalty. It’s the way Italians play soccer. Eventually, out of sheer desperation the referee awards one and John Wilkinson boots a field goal from just over half a field away. Whatever English wingers do, I’m sure I have no idea. They could well do with a ball of wool and some knitting needles to help them pass the time.
It’s a desperate tactic. And it sometimes wins but at the cost of boring the living shit out of every single person there.
So for every Englander who takes pride in their “fought them for every inch” baloney. Consider that as this ugly style of Rugby continues to be used by desperate, uncreative teams, we can all thank the Shitty English for their Shitty English Style of play.
Andrew Alderson & Patrick Sawyer
The Sunday Telegraph
“Tears flowed in the French capital, on and off the pitch, after the Springboks won five penalties to two…”
Actually the Springboks won 15 points to 6. Phrasing it in penalties only makes it seem like The English lost by a little bit, when in fact, they were shat upon and lost the game by a hearty nine points (that’s three field goals for any English reading). Mind the gap Britain, it ran to nine points.
The fact that the British now measure the score by how many penalties are kicked is testament to the ugly style of play they’ve introduced into Rugby, that makes even nail biting World Cup finals about as interesting as a British mistress.
“But for English fans the game turned on the ‘try that never was…English hopes flared but after an agonizing three minute wait it was disallowed by the Australian fourth official Stuart Dickenson, from his vantage point high in the stands…”
Read: Those dirty Australians really screwed us. And how could he see it anyway he was waaay up there in the stands.
Unlike a British man telling about the last time he had sex, the video referee never lies. From the video replay, the lower half of Cueto’s body was out of touch, but even if it wasn’t, (and God bless you Stuart Diskinson if this is the case), the difference would mean the crybaby English would still have lost the match by three points. This kind of Woulda-shoulda-coulda crybaby whining is typically English. I think it’s because they don’t mind looking like complete wankers.
For sale, one chariot, (low swinging kind). Wheels came off. Again.
30 million English fans watched the Rugby World Cup decider on Saturday night, and with hands clasped in prayer, a nation prayed that somehow, some way, the Worst World Champions the rugby world has ever seen would defend their crown.
With true grit and determination, the English side bravely fought the Glorious Springboks. And with true grit and determination, they bravely had their asses kicked repeatedly and were belted into a proper thrashing, losing 15 points to 6.
It was not the fairy tale ending this rag tag band of misfits and old aged pensioners had hoped for. In a contest that saw their chances of winning reduced to 80-1, you’ve got to take your hat off to them.
No one thought they could do.
And boy, they were fucking right.
On the field, the Cowardly Lions never looked a chance. The Glorious Springboks hammered them mercilessly, leaving an aging Phil Vickery lying on the ground weeping, after taking a brutal collision on the try line. Commentators remarked he looked dazed from the belting, but more likely it was the disorientation most English players feel when standing anywhere near a try line.
Despite their sheer bloody minded gritty determination, both Jason Robinson and Phil Vickery were forced to limp, painfully from the field after the sheer weight of their enormous British hearts overflowed with grit and determination. The fact that Victor Matfield had just run over both of them in a vehicle best described as “The Pain Train” had nothing to do with their dazed, semi-concussed appearance, as they staggered off the field into the row of wheelchairs beside the English bench, and were wheeled, presumably, into a retirement home.
England’s strategy of boring everyone to death with their style of play failed to produce results as the margin stretched to 15-6. The England side has spent years perfecting a style of rugby so perfectly tedious and unexciting, thousands of their own determined, diehard fans were forced to leave the stadium with true grit and determination, ten minutes before the game ended.
Controversy arose in the second half when the video referee that ruled against England’s one and only try for the entire competition, was accused of being Australian. The camera in question was manufactured in Japan, but is believed to have several parts made from minerals exported from Australia some years before. An investigation by the English Police is currently being conducted under the name, “Operation Crybaby”
The American Rugby team was in France awaiting a call from England Coach. Given the track record Britain has for fighting off the enemy while in France, the Americans remained on hand to step in at the last minute to bail the English out the World Cup in much the same way they bailed them out of World Wars one and two.
But the British were having none of it. This was going to be a rugby game fought by real men who take real drop goals. And if they were going down, it wasn’t going to be without a fight. Albeit, a piss weak fight that they lost, after fighting poorly and then having their asses kicked repeatedly by the Glorious Springboks.
For the fans, it was a bitter defeat. Thousands of England supporters had arrived in Paris dressed in traditional English costumes to support their team. Beefeaters, Churchill look-alikes, even Medieval Knights turned up full attire. Walking from the game in defeat, they simply looked like wankers as they made their sad way to the nearest pub to wallow in their defeat. To lose a final is bad enough, but to do it while dressed like a twat in a Morris Dancer’s costume. Man, that’s gotta hurt
And, as if to add urine to an already pissed on defeat, thousands of England fans were forced to spend the night on the street after the All Blacks successfully destroyed every hotel room within thirty miles of the capital. Some say this was merely a coincidence, but wily observers have commented it was yet another example of brilliant New Zealand Rugby creativity in preparation for World Cup 2011.
French hoteliers and pub landlords welcomed the British losers back to the capital with chants of “Non parlay Englais, Losers” and in a heart warming display of cross chanel relations, gouged them mercilessly, charging 36 Euros a pint and then calling the police when the losers failed to pay up. Losers.
In the end it all came down to a single point. And that was that England lost. No amount of woulda-shoulda-coulda post game analisys will change the fact that they lost, and will be remembered throughout history as the Worst World Champions, Ever.
As the man who is known as “the guy who scores all of England’s points by kicking them” said: “We gave it the best we had”
And as the game pointed out, it just wasn’t good enough.
Losers.
With true grit and determination, the English side bravely fought the Glorious Springboks. And with true grit and determination, they bravely had their asses kicked repeatedly and were belted into a proper thrashing, losing 15 points to 6.
It was not the fairy tale ending this rag tag band of misfits and old aged pensioners had hoped for. In a contest that saw their chances of winning reduced to 80-1, you’ve got to take your hat off to them.
No one thought they could do.
And boy, they were fucking right.
On the field, the Cowardly Lions never looked a chance. The Glorious Springboks hammered them mercilessly, leaving an aging Phil Vickery lying on the ground weeping, after taking a brutal collision on the try line. Commentators remarked he looked dazed from the belting, but more likely it was the disorientation most English players feel when standing anywhere near a try line.
Despite their sheer bloody minded gritty determination, both Jason Robinson and Phil Vickery were forced to limp, painfully from the field after the sheer weight of their enormous British hearts overflowed with grit and determination. The fact that Victor Matfield had just run over both of them in a vehicle best described as “The Pain Train” had nothing to do with their dazed, semi-concussed appearance, as they staggered off the field into the row of wheelchairs beside the English bench, and were wheeled, presumably, into a retirement home.
England’s strategy of boring everyone to death with their style of play failed to produce results as the margin stretched to 15-6. The England side has spent years perfecting a style of rugby so perfectly tedious and unexciting, thousands of their own determined, diehard fans were forced to leave the stadium with true grit and determination, ten minutes before the game ended.
Controversy arose in the second half when the video referee that ruled against England’s one and only try for the entire competition, was accused of being Australian. The camera in question was manufactured in Japan, but is believed to have several parts made from minerals exported from Australia some years before. An investigation by the English Police is currently being conducted under the name, “Operation Crybaby”
The American Rugby team was in France awaiting a call from England Coach. Given the track record Britain has for fighting off the enemy while in France, the Americans remained on hand to step in at the last minute to bail the English out the World Cup in much the same way they bailed them out of World Wars one and two.
But the British were having none of it. This was going to be a rugby game fought by real men who take real drop goals. And if they were going down, it wasn’t going to be without a fight. Albeit, a piss weak fight that they lost, after fighting poorly and then having their asses kicked repeatedly by the Glorious Springboks.
For the fans, it was a bitter defeat. Thousands of England supporters had arrived in Paris dressed in traditional English costumes to support their team. Beefeaters, Churchill look-alikes, even Medieval Knights turned up full attire. Walking from the game in defeat, they simply looked like wankers as they made their sad way to the nearest pub to wallow in their defeat. To lose a final is bad enough, but to do it while dressed like a twat in a Morris Dancer’s costume. Man, that’s gotta hurt
And, as if to add urine to an already pissed on defeat, thousands of England fans were forced to spend the night on the street after the All Blacks successfully destroyed every hotel room within thirty miles of the capital. Some say this was merely a coincidence, but wily observers have commented it was yet another example of brilliant New Zealand Rugby creativity in preparation for World Cup 2011.
French hoteliers and pub landlords welcomed the British losers back to the capital with chants of “Non parlay Englais, Losers” and in a heart warming display of cross chanel relations, gouged them mercilessly, charging 36 Euros a pint and then calling the police when the losers failed to pay up. Losers.
In the end it all came down to a single point. And that was that England lost. No amount of woulda-shoulda-coulda post game analisys will change the fact that they lost, and will be remembered throughout history as the Worst World Champions, Ever.
As the man who is known as “the guy who scores all of England’s points by kicking them” said: “We gave it the best we had”
And as the game pointed out, it just wasn’t good enough.
Losers.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
South Africa Appreciation Week
Loyal Readers, this week we will be paying tribute to South Africa, currently the favourite country in the world of our little team here at the Duke.
We will be making an argument to take the "Great" title away from the mudsmear known as Britain, and adding it to South Africa, beneath the new title, "Great South Africa"
We hope you enjoy these seven days of enlightening facts, figures and opinions about South Africa, the current Rugby World champions.
Your sincerely,
The Duke Team.
We will be making an argument to take the "Great" title away from the mudsmear known as Britain, and adding it to South Africa, beneath the new title, "Great South Africa"
We hope you enjoy these seven days of enlightening facts, figures and opinions about South Africa, the current Rugby World champions.
Your sincerely,
The Duke Team.
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