Join me on a happy thought…
If you’ve seen the logo for the London 2012 Olympic games, you will have to agree; it looks like a cartoon of someone getting a blow job from Lisa Simpson. Given the paedo vibe you get from middle aged English men, it seems quite apt. I’ve said it for months, but it appears England just outed itself as the creepy uncle of Europe.
But a kiddie fiddler games logo is the least of London’s woes as they get nearer to 2012. The lurking nightmare visitors to this toilet state are yet to encounter is the cargo freight Londoners laughingly refer to as their public transport system, otherwise known as, The Tube.
I won’t go into the manifold short fallings of this antiquated shit heap of a train system. Suffice to say the air in the tunnels is so badly circulated, that the platforms are clogged with fat English people sweating and that the trains themselves are inevitably packed with the swarms of halitosis visitors to London call, The British.
Now, the repairs to this tube are pathetically behind schedule. I mean, it’s one thing to say things are running a bit late, but a paper recently added up all the days that all the different tube projects were running behind schedule, and it turns out that the tube repairs are, (and I swear to God this is true), 104 years behind schedule.
One.
Hundred.
And four.
YEARS!
Consider for a moment, that the London Tube has one of the most expensive ticket prices in the world.
If you’ve seen the logo for the London 2012 Olympic games, you will have to agree; it looks like a cartoon of someone getting a blow job from Lisa Simpson. Given the paedo vibe you get from middle aged English men, it seems quite apt. I’ve said it for months, but it appears England just outed itself as the creepy uncle of Europe.
But a kiddie fiddler games logo is the least of London’s woes as they get nearer to 2012. The lurking nightmare visitors to this toilet state are yet to encounter is the cargo freight Londoners laughingly refer to as their public transport system, otherwise known as, The Tube.
I won’t go into the manifold short fallings of this antiquated shit heap of a train system. Suffice to say the air in the tunnels is so badly circulated, that the platforms are clogged with fat English people sweating and that the trains themselves are inevitably packed with the swarms of halitosis visitors to London call, The British.
Now, the repairs to this tube are pathetically behind schedule. I mean, it’s one thing to say things are running a bit late, but a paper recently added up all the days that all the different tube projects were running behind schedule, and it turns out that the tube repairs are, (and I swear to God this is true), 104 years behind schedule.
One.
Hundred.
And four.
YEARS!
Consider for a moment, that the London Tube has one of the most expensive ticket prices in the world.
Now, even if these Limey Bumsniffers work as fast as their fat, lazy ugly butts can manage and finish every repair on schedule for the next four and a half years, they will still have a train system that would fail to impress people living in the early part of LAST CENTURY.
And here we come to my happy thought. It’s my moment of sunshine when I think the world is finally going to see this place as the steaming pile of vomit coated turd that it is.
And here we come to my happy thought. It’s my moment of sunshine when I think the world is finally going to see this place as the steaming pile of vomit coated turd that it is.
London can;t cope with the population it already has.
What are they going to do with the million or so visitors that come with the games?
Do you remember the Atlanta games? (God bless America,). They were a success, but they were marred by the public transport system that couldn’t cope with the million plus visitors who came to see the games.
It was a shame. Atlanta is an otherwise traffic free city, they just weren’t prepared for the huge number of visitors.
London on the other hand is nyyyot a traffic free city. It's a city so choked with congestion it has a special congestion charge to drivers who come into the city in the hope that it'll keep them out. It has a train system worse than bulgaria. It's running at peak speed and it's still a hundred years too slow.
London...it just ain't goin happen. You're going to crumble. You're struggling with what you've got. How are yeh goin to deal with a million more?
The influx of visitors is goin choke yeh.
AND THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING.
Teams will miss events.
Visitors will be stranded.
Train stations will collapse.
The infrastructure will fall.
It will go down in history.
The Olympic Games where we all realized what London really was.
Just straight up, awful.
And I know two things about 2012 that are absolutely certain.
One is, that no matter what, I will be watching these games on an HDTV somewhere in the greater United States of America, sipping a bud and laughing my damn ass off
and two,
that the 2012 games are going to suck as much as their creepy assed logo does. (And I mean that with all disrespect).
God Bless America.
The Olympic Games where we all realized what London really was.
Just straight up, awful.
And I know two things about 2012 that are absolutely certain.
One is, that no matter what, I will be watching these games on an HDTV somewhere in the greater United States of America, sipping a bud and laughing my damn ass off
and two,
that the 2012 games are going to suck as much as their creepy assed logo does. (And I mean that with all disrespect).
God Bless America.
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