The only place they don't moan is the bedroom.

It has oft been remarked that the British would much prefer a hot water bottle to a sex life and now science is backing it up.

An international study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy reports that only 70 per cent of men in Britain have had sex in the last year and that British men have a significantly worse sex life than, well, than anyone. Even the Amish.

Why is this?
What is it about the British male that makes them so inadequete?

From what I've seen the average Brit seems pretty aggresively proud of his own heterosexuality.
They like to fight and rev their cars.
They like to shout at televisions.

So why can't they get it together with the ladies?

And here’s what I’ve discovered.

What English men secretly want,
more than anything else in the world,
is to be with other English men.

Go to a pub and look around. Find a group of roughly 100 men. It won’t be hard, there’s ararely a woman in sight. Find a group of 100.

Statistically speaking,
thirty of these men haven't had sex in a year.

A year!
Thirty of them.

That's a third of the male population. That's lot of horny assholes. You know, I have searched for a reason as to why English men are so angry, why they boil over at the drop of a feathered hat, why they shout drunken obscenities into an empty street. Why they storm soccer pitches to punch players. Why they rustle their newspapers and sigh aggresively.

I had rationalised my theories. Bad diet. Social history. The national bitterness at a declining empire. But it’s so simple.

English men are in desperate, desperate need, of getting laid.

And you know, as truly, god awfully gut scrapingly ugly as the women over here are, as accepting as these land mammoths should be, you know it's not going to happen.

You know that these thirty horny guys, with their sloped shoulders, their freckled complexion, their senstive tummies and their thin, mole ridden chicken legs are going to go home, night after night, to masturbate.

England. Blue blood?
Or blue balls?